The Gunner's Perspective
by Sturmgeschuts
Summary: I put it to a vote, and it would seem that some people actually want this back. So to appease them and at the same time anger the people with no sense of humour, I have brought it back! Anger and strong language within. Not for kiddies!


These are just the angry musings of my mind; do not take anything written here to heart. I'm merely blowing off some steam. I apologize if anyone is offended by this.

I do not own—honestly, is this even necessary? A disclaimer in this seems pretty fuckin' stupid.

From the gunner's (me) perspective.

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First up: Konata Izumi

...I fuckin' hate ya. You're the epitome of annoying. Having a hobby is great, but you really shouldn't shove it in other people's faces damnit! Your ahoge makes me want to practice my gardening skills upon your hair. You wanna get taller? How 'bout you tie those thirteen loops, tie it off, and jump off a stool. You'll gain an inch and put yourself out of **our** misery.

Next up: Kagami Hiiragi

Question: Can I stab you? Honestly, there are other ways to get people from bothering you! First of all, you give in too easily, thus you are annoyed into letting the shrimp copy your homework. Secondly, you're too soft towards your sibling; it's not a bad thing to be hard on Tsukasa, **it's your fuckin' job!** Give up on any odd helpful attitudes; you should only help those who **want** **to succeed!**

You there: Tsukasa Hiiragi

Wake up damnit! C'mon, there's a brain in there somewhere, otherwise you wouldn't be able to cook. You get dragged around too much, folks walk all over ya! Stand up for yourself; in other words: **Grow a fuckin' backbone!** You'll never move on in life if you can't stop relying on your sister. You're a leech, plain and simple.

Ah crap, it's: Miyuki Takara

Where to start? How can someone so intelligent, be so fuckin' naive? Go out and find a crime syndicate, join it, and see what the real world is like. Hell, just go find a male hooker (or a woman if you really are into that), get laid, and stab him/her. Murder really changes perspective on the world. If you find this inconceivable, then just become a nurse; you'll see some true horror without getting arrested, but seriously, get a fuckin' life!

Hide your leftovers, it's: Misao Kusakabe

I have this vision of you chewing your hand off out of boredom, 'cause you really seem that stupid. Athleticism won't get you through life on its own. Don't be so nonchalant about losing in a video game, just get better. If you can't, you're doomed. Not that you aren't already. Try slamming your head into a wall, I hear it does wonders for your IQ, you'll know your smarter when you can see brain matter on the wall.

Where is: Ayano Minegishi

I hate your last name, time for a name change kid. You don't get enough screen-time; why? It's simply because: you ain't interesting. Or in other words: **You're too fuckin' boring! **You're so boring that I have nothing else to put here.

I smell muffins, oh it's just: Yutaka Kobayakawa

Just please, for the love of (Insert Deity Here) change your name so that we writers don't have to go through that shit over and over! By the way, how old were you when the government replaced your brain with **a fuckin' wad of cotton candy!** You're just too—Nah, you're so naive you wouldn't get it... Follow the same directions I gave Miyuki, as for your height, I believe I gave some advice to your cousin that might help.

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's: Minami Iwasaki

Say something! You want folks to shut up, or anything like that, get vocal! You're shy? Don't give me fuckin' excuses! Do something evil, or just get a fuckin' hobby that doesn't involve boring the shit out of the audience!

Mehategirlswithglasses: Hiyori Tamura

Fuckin' pervert. I honestly have very little to say to you, but one thing comes to mind: (Ahem: it was requested that I remove what I had originally written here, but I'll tell you that it involved razor-wire, rabid squirrels, and a rather creative use of the word "cunt")

God fuck America: Patricia Martin

You're the kind of person who gives us Anglophones a bad name! How dare you abandon your own culture for that of an otaku! I'd have no problem with your tastes if it weren't for your lack of anything American; you're a disgrace to our hick cousins south of the 49th.

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I really don't care if you review or not. But feel free to criticize me, hell, if ya flame me, I'll just laugh it off.

Sincerely: Sturmgeschuts. (AKA: The Gunner)


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